Ivan's Blog

Final Blog for AWhile

2008-11-09T20:38:00.000-08:00

Dear Beloveds- should have posted this sooner but again, as usual, too busy running around having a good time- I won't be posting any more updates for a while(probably not till the summer when I'll have surgery to "re-attach" me (Yay!!!) My post-surgical pathology report was excellent, showing no signs of any cancer. 8 lymph nodes were tested and all negative. I've started a regimen of post-surgical chemo which should continue for a few months and hopefully make it very difficult for the the cancer to return or spread. In short, the outcome looks very positive and I'm a lucky man. Again I thank all of you for your love and support. You've all been an important part of my recovery. Love you all. Ivan

"All's Well that Ends Well"

2008-10-22T12:39:00.001-07:00

Dear Beloved Blog- Followers- First let me apologize for not updating sooner. I've been back from the hospital for a week and am just beginning to climb out from under the deluge of phone and e-mail messages awaiting me. I'm not complaining-I'm so happy to be home even lots of e-mails do not faze me(signs of life and normalcy-which is exactly what one needs after a surgical-hospital experience)

So, I could entertain and maybe even horrify you with hospital tales and tortures, but I won't and hopefully none of you will experience them first hand. The prognosis looks good. The surgeon was optimistic. Still waiting for the pathology report to arrive here in S.C. at my oncologist's office and then I'll know more specifics, but the surgeon was quite positive in speaking to my brother Michael after the surgery. She send down samples twice during surgery and they both times came up negative.

So I'm concentrating on getting back to my life-started teaching on Mon., took Michael and Susan to a few Open Studios on Sun., and tonight will see the Met televised version of Salome on a wide screen in San Jose. Can't keep this "culture-fresser" down !

I, again thank all of you for your support and love. It means alot to me and I'm sure it's part of the reason why I'm doing so well. That's all for now! Love, IR

Final days!

2008-10-14T11:10:00.000-07:00

At last, Ivan's really himself again--feels fine, all systems looking good; Michael arrived this morning to find him complaining to the orderly that his portion of eggs was tiny and could have been better seasoned, and where was his cream of wheat? Looks like he really will come home tomorrow (Wednesday) late in the day. So this is Susan signing off now; my reports have been somewhat bare-bones, I know, but Ivan told me to spare you the details. They're all his!

Days 8, 9, and 10

2008-10-12T20:45:00.000-07:00

--too many days, and too much of them hard on Ivan. The liquid diet didn't sit well, so it was suspended to allow his system to clear up (a return of the dreaded nasal tube). But starting yesterday things seem to be settling down; the tube is out again, Ivan's more comfortable and better able to focus on reading, music, and an episode or so of Sex and the City. We think he'll try the liquid diet again tomorrow, maybe some solid food on Tuesday, and--WE HOPE--home on Wednesday? Stay tuned.

Days 6 and 7

2008-10-09T19:43:00.000-07:00

Ivan's digestive system is beginning to crank up, but more slowly than everyone had hoped, so looks like he'll be in the hospital another couple of days. It's a week so far, feels much longer! Battling relentless hiccups, sipping broth and apple juice, reminiscing with Michael, advising his doctors on medication, Ivan's worn down--but holding up.

Days 4 and 5

2008-10-07T16:59:00.000-07:00

Day 4 was, sorry to say, rather like 2 and 3; but today things seem to have turned a corner. Ivan feels better, and has shed the most aggravating of his various tubes; he took a shower, read the papers, and plans to watch the debate (maybe a bad idea?). Tomorrow he'll begin a liquid diet. It remains for his innards to begin functioning fully again. This is taking a little longer than expected, so the ETA for his homecoming is now Friday.

He still can't talk much without hiccupping, but will have lots to say--on the sociology of hospitals for starters--once he's posting his own blogs again. Looking forward to it!

Days 2 and 3

2008-10-05T17:21:00.000-07:00

It's not unusual, it seems, for the second and third days after surgery to be harder than the first, and so it has proved for Ivan. He's been pretty uncomfortable with reflux, hiccups, and related gastric woes; an NG tube was inserted this afternoon, which should bring some relief.

But his general recovery is on track; he has no problem sitting, walks sturdily, and is healing well. He snoozes when he can, and the time will pass.

The new Ivan: day one

2008-10-03T20:02:00.000-07:00

From Susan, again. Turns out the operation was not 7 hours, but almost 9. For all that, Ivan's ahead of the curve in getting up and about; spent most of the day in a chair rather than bed, takes walks around the corridors with his drips in tow (looking, Michael says, like an outsize Jack Nicholson in "Good As It Gets")--he has his father's sturdy constitution. He was in some pain for a while--skimping on the medication to avoid feeling groggy; better now. A big complaint is thirst; all he's allowed is a lollipop sponge which he dips in water and sucks. No picnic, but overall the best that could be hoped for.

Tomorrow he'll probably be moved from Parnassus to Mt. Zion, his surgeon's base; home maybe Tuesday or Wednesday, and with luck, back to being his own (much more colorful!) blogger not long after that. More anon...

Good news

2008-10-02T16:54:00.000-07:00

This is from Susan, Ivan's sister-in-law: I've just heard from Michael that Ivan's out of surgery and the operation, though long (about 7 hours), was a success; he's in recovery and doing fine, and the biopsies showed no sign of spread.

I'll write again when there's more to tell. Cheers!

Requiem for my Rectum

2008-09-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

10/01-Don't worry! I'm not about to compose a piece filled with rude noises and such, (actually if I had more time, I might do JUST THAT!), but I am feeling badly for my poor rectum which will be removed this Thurs in surgery. I hope it knows that's it's demise is not at all due to any failure on its part. Infact it has served faithfully lo these 66 years,well beyond the "call of duty," and deserves only gratitude. Needless to say I will miss it!

So surgery is this Thurs. 7:30 a.m. at aUCSF Mt. Parnassus campus and I guess I'm as ready as one can be in this situation. My brother will be with me for the whole stay in the hospital (from 4-6 days) and then through recovery back down in S.C. My wonderful sister-in-law Susan Nelson, will be holding down the fort for Toby and Jade down in S.C. for the hospital stay, so I'm feeling very well-supported. Susan will try to update the blog while I'm in the hospital so you all can get some news.

I look forward to my return to S.C. and to blogging. Cheers, Ivan

"Surgery Imminent"

2008-09-21T16:23:00.001-07:00

9/17-21st

So in last week's installment, our hero was "saved" from an inappropriate(according to the UCSF study) chemo session at the last minute and began to wrap his head around the reality of an earlier surgery. After a sleepless night of "how come my shrinkage was less than 90% of the other study patients(always competitive, nicht wahr?), -this does not bode well?- this sucks- I'm a goner, etc. etc.," I finally came to my senses (with a little help from Drs. and nurses) that my failure to make the study cut-off figure was just THAT-no more nor less and said nothing about my prognosis. So the rest of the week was spent happily playing music with my visiting saintly brother Michael (who will be with me as long as I need him)and friends Anne Lober and George Timson.

My poor S.F. surgeon Dr. Varma, is madly scurrying around trying to find operating room privileges in the Mt. Parnassus campus of UCSF since the Mt. Zion campus where she operates is fully booked to the end of Oct. We temporarily have an Oct. 2nd date that hopefully will be confirmed Sept. 25th. That's all for now! Stay tuned! Cheers, IR

Of Beethoven's 9th, student "nachas" and Infusion Room Drama

2008-09-16T21:48:00.000-07:00

Week of 9/8-16th
Sept 11th(yes, THAT date) picked up my brother at the Oakland airport and hot-footed it over to a dim sum restaurant in Oakland for lunch with my friend Karl Goldstein. Since we didn't get there till after 2, and they were clearly winding down and stopped circulating those cute little carts on wheels at 2:30-we did not really get to give Restaurant Peony a fair test, but we managed to get enough of a taste to know that it was good and certainly deserved a return visit at an earlier time. After the carts disappeared (as we looked on with horror) I never saw my brother so aggressive in flagging down the waitress to place orders for more food (duck and bok choy), so please don't think we left hungry.

That evening we attended the Berkeley Rep's performance of the new Itamar Moses play"Yellow Jackets". As you'll remember from an earlier blog entry, Itamar is a former piano student of mine whose's making quite a name for himself in the theater world with new plays opening in San Diego, Chicago, N.Y.C. as well as this new Berkeley offering. Though not quite as polished and brilliant as "Bach in Liepzig," (in my opinion), "Yellow Jackets" was still engaging, emotional as well as funny and worthy of seeing. As Itamar (and some of the critics)say: it's need's some pruning and focussing but nonetheless incisively dissects those akward coming of age high-school years at a school filled with racial and class conflicts. Of course, it gives me great "nachas" to view Itamar's success and I look forward to more success and "nachas."

Oh yes, we were up in the Bay area because I had an ultra -sound exam at UCSF with my surgeon on Fri. morning. The exam showed that the tumor had shrunk approximately 25% after chemoradiation and that the previous lymph node involvement that was noted previously was no longer evident to Dr. Varma. Being Ivan, I had hoped for the even better news, i.e., that the tumor was totally gone and that they had actually made a great error in the first test because they now could see that the tumor was really a half-digested hamentasch that somehow had lodged itself in my behind-- but that was not to be! After getting over my disappointment, I certainly understood that 25% was not so bad - the tumor could have increased or there could have been no reduction in size,so I ended up somewhat pleased with the results and was told that I could continue with the study with surgery slated for late Oct.

So off to Davies Hall, for Michael's and my first live performance of Beethoven's 9th - and what a performance it was-- Michael Tilson Thomas making Lenny-like mvts on the podium and eliciting incisive rhythmic thrusts and exquisite solo playing from the orchestra. Though I alway knew intellectually what an important and revolutionary work it was, this live performance confirmed it for me in a very visceral and moving way.

Tues, the 16th, we arrived at the oncologists for the beginning of the first of two FOLFOX chemo treatments that was mandated by the study before surgery. I was all hooked up, waiting for the blood work reports to come back and being given pre-chemo anti-nausea drug, when Dr Wu(my oncologist) and his nurse came rushing into the room saying"Stop the infusion" My first thought was "YES!" that I had been right all along- I did not have cancer at all-the hamentachen thesis was indeed correct and that finally someone had taken the time to uncover this awful hoax- but wrong again! The new research asst. up at UCSF had mis calculated the percentage of shrinkage and thought it was 30% which was the required minimum for continuing with the study-consequently my 25% shrinkage rendered me no longer eligible for the study.Thanks to a last-minute save by the previous research asst(who has been my guardian angel)who caught the error and frantically called the S.C. Infusion Room from San Diego(where she now works) I had not yet started the heavy-duty chemo mandated by the study. A bit jarring at first, but actually neither good or bad news- just that I was no longer within the parameter of the study. I now will be having the surgery within the next 2-3 weeks at the latest, and then will have post-surgery recovery and chemo. This turn of events will cut down on the total recovery time so that i am able to get back to my old routine sooner. I like that! Cheers, IR

Of Galavanting and Inanity!

2008-09-07T16:43:00.000-07:00

Week of Sept.1-7th- Late again-still "galavanting" around having a good time- this is no way for a "sick man" to act, I know ,but I don't care. So since I only have frivolous stuff to report(3 movies 3 days in a row- all excellent-Elegy, Frozen River and Transiberian Express) because I'm feeling so well and energetic, I thought I'd go back to the weeks that I was doing radiation and share with you
Inanities from the Radiation Slab-
While lying there being zapped and trying to remain motionless, I developped a radiation mantra routine. All the New Age Cancer books suggested that you "visualize" the tumor being destroyed and engulfed by the healthy cells-so I did as I sung(to myself to the tune of "Dayenu")- "Die Die Cancer-Die Die Cancer." Just in case the tumor was Jewish(God forbid!) I hoped it might appreciate a little "landsman " humor. "Farvos nit!" Cheers, IR

Two in One

2008-08-28T12:42:00.000-07:00

Posting for the weeks of Aug. 18th and 25th- Sorry about that folks. Last time I wrote I was too busy "galavanting around" to update my blog, well now, I'm so busy out and about- having a good time, that i don't even have time to check my e-mail. I know that's horrifying to those of you who check 3- 5 times a day- what can I say? e-mail is not a high priority for me- but I do want to keep the blog somewhat up-to-date so here goes:

The first round of chemoradiation ended on Aug. 15th. Though I was sorry that I wouldn't be seeing my wonderful radiation team again (that is , I hope not!) I did hand out chocolate bars as modest tokens of appreciation for their help and good cheer. Best of all it was liberating not to have to wear the 24 hour chemoinfusion pump . I really did feel "free" and that feeling persists. I can now really enjoy my showers(without the tubes and the waist pack dangling from the towel rack) enormously Had some urinary problems immediately after completing radiation that were probably due to the radiation enlarging the prostate somewhat but a visit to the urologist quickly took care of that. By the way, the urologist was an attractive woman in high heels and lots of make-up. An interesting choice of specialty for a women, methinks. I asked her (with a wink) "why urology? " and she replied "I just like it." Clearly a woman who knows what's good! I'll be seeing her again in a few weeks and maybe even ask her more lewd questions. Remember my leitmotif for this illness is to have as much fun with it as I can- what I now refer to as my "cancer chutzpah."

If I told you how many movies and plays I've seen in the last two weeks you wouldn't believe me. Even loved the recent film of "Momma Mia" with Meryl Streep camping it up shamelessly and clearly having great fun. Maybe the radiation treatments weakened my critical faculties somewhat, but on the other hand- they might have loosened me up somewhat so that I could really appreciate a good piece of "camp." Even saw and enjoyed "Vicky Christina Barcelona" film after giving up on Woody Allen movies a few years back. Yes, it must be the radiation! "Man on the Wire" was excellent in all regards (movie-making and subject)

Life continues busy and pleasant. My capacity for socializing -clearly expanded. Many pleasant dinners, lunches, snacks with friends- all warm and nurturing.

Toby started a job this weekend and so far so good. Jade started third grade at her new school. An excellent teacher who is a professional ceramicist so they'll be plenty of interesting art projects for Jade. We bike ride every morning to school (5 minutes away) and Jade hurries to get ahead so she won't be seen with her Grandpa in tow. She's so adolescent at 8, it's scary.

I've given you an extra long blog installment to do penance for my tardiness- so I'll now close with -if you told me how well I now feel, how energetic -how relaxed I've become dealing with cancer, I'd say you're crazy- not possible. But there it is !

Art -10--Cancer-0 (In the spirit of the Olympics)

2008-08-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

week of 8/4-
Sorry for the late posting for this week, but when I tell you that I've been too busy galavanting around town to concerts and cafes, I have a feeling that you will forgive me. This week, Dr. Wu lowered the dosage of chemo (still within the guidelines of the protocl of the UCSF study of which I'm a part) so that the lip sores and sore throat that was plaguing me the previous week, have now almost disappeared. Consequently,I'm a much happier camper and more able to "galavant."

Cultural high points this week were the Cabrillo New Music Festival on Sat. night where John Adams' "Dr. Atomic Symphony" (West Coast premiere) stood out as a major piece of first-rate composing. The neo-elements(gorgeous Bachian melodic lines and harmonic progressions juxtaposed with some earlier-Adams -minimalist rhythmic ostinati. Together they clearly etched the implicit "program" of the piece-the humanist anti-war plea vs. the relentlessness(unethical) of scientific "progress." It was played with great force and emotion. The audience responded.

I saw many friends and acquaintances at the concert. Several did not know about my illness but to a person they all commented how well I looked. Go figure! Take that Cancer!

A Lot of Art and a Little Cancer!

2008-08-05T15:58:00.000-07:00

Week of July 28th-4th week of chemoradiation-
Went up to San Francisco on Thurs., ostensibly to meet my new surgeon, Dr. Mika Varma, a delightful Indian woman with intense lively eyes- but the day really turned out to be about the power of Art and how important it is for me to keep filling my life with music and art as I deal with cancer. After the meeting with Dr. Varma, I hot-footed it over to the De Young Museum for their current Dale Chihuly Glass Sculpture Exhibit. The newly renovated De Young seemed just right for the profusion of color, shape and reflected light that the exhibit showcased. The size and theatricality of the pieces are almost over the top, - carnival-like but impossible not to enjoy. A perfect foil for cancer!

Still had some energy after that -so I stopped at the "Music at Menlo" concert series on the drive back. Heard Gary Graffman doing a solo piano recital of pieces for left hand only-Brahms(Bach). Reinecke, Chopin, Kirchner and others. Quite amazing and a good reminder of what one can do in Art when faced with adversity(not being able to use your right hand)

Needless to say- I was exhausted the next day, but on Thurs. it was Ivan doing what he likes to do-caqn cer or not cancer! Did I mention the pork chow fun for dinner? Cheers, IR

P.S. I think Dr. Varma will do very well by me.

Cancer and birthday parties!

2008-07-27T18:55:00.000-07:00

July 27th- after three weeks of chemoradiation.-Well, I'm still here-halfway through the first 6 week round. My therapist, tries to encouragingly point out that I'm half way through ("the glass is half full") I immediately counter with "yeah-but the 6 week chemoradiation is the easy, "piece of cake" part of this masochistic marathon" says I. "It's bad enough now(diarrhea, sore throat, lip sores, etc.) " What about later?" "You'll get through, I know you will," he says. ""No fun" says I!
So what WAS fun this week , was watching my granddaughter's 8th birthday party yesterday. We started at the Gymnastics club where she takes weekly lessons. She and five friends wildly trying out all the equipment and climbing through the giant whale that they blew up for the party. Toby and some other Moms trying their skill on balance beams and attempting headstands that they probably hadn't done in 20 years.. After an exhausting hour and a half of cavorting , we brought the kids chez-nous for ice cream cake, punch and more fun and games. Toby and Jade made sure that the kids had the requisite number of party favors and kiddie "tchakas" that kids nowadays require for maximum party satisfaction. "A good time was had by all." Grandpa rested on Sun.

Reality and Art

2008-07-21T17:53:00.000-07:00

July 21st- Well, started the 3rd weekend of chemoradiation. Must say that by the end of the 2nd week(unlike the end of the 1st week)I did feel weakened, less energetic and very much in the land of the"sick." It's all quite "real" for me now and I understand what a long haul lies ahead. Thank God for ART!. Playing flute and piano with my good friend-flutist Kathleen Purcell cheers me up no end. We're reading though a interesting piece "Undine" by Reinecke(19th century Romantic composer with a Brahmsian tinge ) that we'll be performing in May for the S.C. Chamber Players. When I'm playing music, I'm no longer "sick." I'm just in the world of music-making-a much better place to be.

Friday night went to the Shakespeare Santa Cruz's opening performance of "Bach in Leipzig," a brilliant contemporary play by the brilliant young playwright Itamar Moses(a former Ivan piano student from the Berkeley days which, of course accounts for his "brilliance! no doubt)) . WOW! What a tour de force-A play about Baroque music and politics- erudite AND funny -Very impressive! Cheers, IR

The Latest

2008-07-08T17:37:00.000-07:00

7/8/08- Well the S.F. hotshot surgeon has flown the coop. He will leave UCSF for greener(very big bucks no doubt) pastures in So. Calif. So, right now I'm without a surgeon but am hopeful that another excellect colorectal surgeon at UCSF, Dr. Mika Varma, will take me on as her patient. She's on vacation right now but I hope to see her as soon as she returns.
Started chemo-radiation yesterday. So far so good. Not feeling any differently yet , though it's a bit weird to be hooked up to this chemo-infusion pump 24 hrs. a day- a kind of medical "doppelganger" I'll be hooked up for at least 6 weeks, so I hope I grow fond of the bugger and give it a loveable name like Bruno . Am also getting daily radiation as well for the next 6 weeks. Painless but sort of weird having this giant machine whirring above you and praying that it has impeccable tumor-aim. That's all for now. IR

Ivan's Health Update

2008-06-28T12:03:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends and Family-

Just wanted to let you know that I was diagnosed with rectal cancer in early June and have spent the last few weeks since then doing the research (with the the help of my amazing cousins, Drs. Alan and Michael Moskowitz) to assemble the best possible medical team and treatment plan to battle this disease. I will be having surgery up in San Francisco at UCSF Medical Center. My cousins' were able to connect me with one of the leading colorectal surgeons on the West Coast, Dr. Julio Garcia-Aguilar who will be doing my surgery sometime at the end of Aug. or in Sept.(tba) I will be starting pre-surgery chemoradiation down in Santa Cruz on July 7th supervised by oncologist Mike Wu and radiologist, Jay Meisel. I have quickly established a good relationship with both and feel secure in their hands.

I'm thankful for all the love and support that I'm getting from my family and friends-grateful that I have Toby(daughter) and Jade (granddaughter)now living with me(as of April) to keep me company through this difficult period .I would very much welcome any messages that you care to send me through this blog. I'll try to answer them as I can and keep this blog updated with current news and thoughts.

All my love, Ivan

Ivan's blog

2008-06-25T21:57:00.001-07:00

Hi,

This is Dale. I've set up this new blog for Ivan to update his friends and family about his life and health. Please check back for his posts.